those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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