If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
