It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
