At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
