Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
