fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
