a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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