he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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