she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
