I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
