If that was your dad, he is hot
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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