Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
