I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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