you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
