There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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