I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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