Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
