Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
