i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
