just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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