I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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