Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
