Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
