It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i will never coherently bang her
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
