it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
