Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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