she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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