Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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