Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
