how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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