i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
