im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
