Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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