I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
