having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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