I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
