Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize