oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
