So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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