we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
