i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
