Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
