I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize