Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
