My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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