me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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