Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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