I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
