We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
