Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You're like the curious george of whores
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
