i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just puked most of my soul out..
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