having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
