last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
