dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
