saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
