Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
