cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
