My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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