Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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