The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
